Dessert Comes First: Get a Grip - Hanging out at Handlebar Manila

It is with great pleasure that I link through to my first article at Dessert Comes First, about the famous Handlebar Bar and Grill in Makati.

Cheers!

ARTICLE: Get a Grip - Hanging Out at Handlebar Manila

Radio Republic: Living in a Small World

"And it’s the same thing, sadly, with our society as a whole here in the Philippines: we are prisoners to our own ties, our own connections. And this interconnection comes with its own inertia. The longer you stay in it, the more that you do not want to rock the boat, the more things stay as they are."

Read more at http://www.radiorepublic.ph/living-in-a-small-world/

From Radio Republic: In which we give in to the Halloween Spirit

Archiving articles from my Radio Republic column, Drinking Coffee as the World Goes By:

"20 years ago, Ozone Disco Club in the Morato area became the scene of one of the worst club fires in recent history. Many of the club-goers that night died near the entrance, trapped by inward-swinging doors, the heat, and smoke inhalation."

Read more at https://www.radiorepublic.ph/in-which-we-give-in-to-the-halloween-spirit-balete-drive-and-goodah-the-resto-where-ozone-formerly-was/

From Radio Republic: Empty Boots at the Gate

Archiving articles from my Radio Republic column, Drinking Coffee as the World Goes By:

"But this, the issue of gatekeepers, is something people should think about. When we say gatekeepers, we’re talking about people or entities whom we trust to be the ones to tell us what good music is. Be it Casey Kasem, Francis Reyes, or any other DJ or music figure that we consider has a finger on the pulse of whatever music scene they’re in, they are gatekeepers. They steer us to what’s new, what’s happening, and what is, presumably, the Next Big Thing."

Read more at https://www.radiorepublic.ph/empty-boots-at-the-gate/

From Radio Republic: Out and Loud

Archiving articles from my Radio Republic column, Drinking Coffee as the World Goes By:

"Every time I hear the phrase “He’s okay, even if he’s gay” and all the permutations of that statement, it simply shows that gay is not okay. You don’t have to kill us to say that there is gay discrimination. You just have to make a distinction of us versus them."Read more at https://www.radiorepublic.ph/out-and-loud-music-and-being-gay/

From Radio Republic: Generations

Archiving articles from my column in Radio Republic, Drinking Coffee as the World Goes By:

"But the coming of the Internet screwed with the formula. While in the past you could get along on album sales, that’s now more of a cost to be shouldered, rather than a profit center; finding your own way to sell merch or set up gigs for yourself is the name of the game, as is using internet social media and broadcast platforms in a cost-efficient manner."

Read more at https://www.radiorepublic.ph/generations/

From Radio Republic: Trying to do Something Right

From my column in Radio Republic, Drinking Coffee as the World Goes By:

"I say all that because the danger of the internet, of having all this information readily available, is that we sometimes take for granted that most of this information is true. The fact is, this overabundance of information should make us even more suspicious. Even if research makes a person feel lazy, when it comes to inserting ideas into our heads, we should really be more careful."

Read more at https://www.radiorepublic.ph/trying-to-do-something-right/

Coming Out to my own Father: Life and Comedy, Somewhat

As many people know, my dad and I have had a rocky relationship. We’ve gone from classic loving father and daddy’s boy, to practically the brink of disowning each other.

These days, though, we treat each other like human beings. Yes, we still both have our human frailties, but at our ages, it’s stupid to hang on to the bad; It is always better to stay in the good.

I had been reading some older entries in Facebook, and I stumbled across one where I linked to a Reddit thread about a man who had been disowned in a rather spectacular fashion by his own father, simply because he came out as gay (link here: https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/xspz1/5_years_ago_i_was_disowned_via_letter_when_i_came/?st=irmrzggu&sh=18b0e1b7).

My coming out is one of the reasons why no matter what, I will love my father as much as he loves me (however rocky that situation may be, haha!).

My mother, you see, had decided to tell my dad matter-of-factly that I was gay, shortly after lunch at home. I honestly don’t remember how old I was at the time, probably in my early 30s. My mother simply told me she had done it – thanks, Mom!

So, my father asked for 24 hours to process the information. Let me tell you, it was NOT the nervous waiting that most of you would think happened. I went about my day as if it were a normal one – after all, what else could I do?

A day passed, and he asked me to go out with him to the malls near our place. We had coffee in one of our favorite places. And he told me how much he loved me, in in his own way:

“Anak, I don’t care if you’re gay. But please, don’t get involved in a scandal. You have your reputation to protect. Also, find a way to have kids. It’s good to have children, even if you’re gay.”

After that, we had a few more details and questions answered back and forth about it, but it ended there.

These days, he matter-of-fact says that I am gay to his friends (gee, thanks, Dad! Hahahah!). He finds no issue with it. In fact, my partner and I live here in the ancestral house with them. He likes my partner, says he’s more respectful than I am, and he’s happy that my partner is a complement to my personality.

We’ve had some disagreements: for example, he did think that I shouldn’t share bank accounts, and that I should be prepared for an eventual separation. As time went on, however, his concern was that we should both find a way to adopt. He is, of course, partial to the idea of a surrogate mother, but would like it to be my sperm used (of course; awkward thought there).

So here we are, a straight-mannered gay guy and his dad, living life together, and getting to know each other again after many, many conflicts in life. I still have the baggage of many fights in the past, at times, and so does he. However, what is important is that we’re here, working on it together.

That’s about as good an “in the middle of the story” update as I can give on the subject of coming out. Happy endings, I believe, are only when we can finally close the book on our lives. And I don't plan on closing that book anytime soon. I look forward to many more years with my loved ones.

Thanks, Dad, for not caring if I were gay. Also, thank you for not walking into me and another guy having fun; that was Mom (Sorry, Ma!). Hahahahaha!

I love you to bits, Dad. And Mom, I love you, too, with equal measure. And I am thankful my bedroom door has a better lock now, so you just can't kick it open.

What Lies Beneath

Observing the social media reaction-fest over what appear to be extra-judicial killings of suspected drug users and pushers here in the Philippines has, arguably, brought out the best and the worst in many people.

On one side, some people are simply reacting by saying that the ends do justify the means. On the other hand, you also have many people screaming bloody murder, particularly since due process isn’t being observed.

Behind all this, I feel, is a basic misunderstanding of the problem. It’s not about drugs. It’s about why people need drugs in the first place.

Needs and wants, supply and demand

Admittedly, I’m not a fan of bringing the issue down to poverty, for the reason that poverty is also seen as a convenient excuse for committing crimes. However, that’s just one side of the coin. It’s also true that poverty can drive one to desperate measures – such as crime.

And that interminable daily grind, that constant battle for survival, it serves as an open door to drug use. With little or no “good things” in life, it isn't surprising many of the poor decide to use illegal drugs, if only to escape their dreary life.

It does not excuse, however, their eventual giving in to the addiction, the eventual descent into crime and violence that many of them go through to feed their habit.

And as for the rich who are hooked on drugs, it’s even more complicated, and less of a sympathetic issue; after all, it is much harder to understand despair and ennui when the person suffering it is, essentially, well-off.

Whatever the case may be, the point is: something is wrong, and it isn’t just about illegal drugs or the people who are part of the criminal ecosystem for it.

It’s about addressing poverty, job opportunities, and fostering a culture where illegal drug use can be seen as a symptom of larger issues. It’s about seeing drug users not as victims, but as people who need to be rehabilitated, rather than jailed or killed (of course, this assumes that they have not done any crime that is beyond redemption).

The challenge, the real outrage is not only that extrajudicial killings are happening, but that we have to fix the very roots of our society. And even if it sounds impossible to do, we have to try. Otherwise, the divide between “bleeding hearts” and “pragmatists” will grow ever wider, and the chasm in between will be filled with dead bodies.

Before anyone asks: I am myself overwhelmed with the enormity of the idea of where to begin. But we have to stop arguing on the level of the drug trade. We must start doing something about the human condition that allows such a thing to exist.





 


Photo originally from this image

The Old Guy's 7 Things to Remember When Pursuing a Hobby or Career in Music

After reading an article by my friend Joey Santos (7 Music Myths New Bands Should Avoid), I figured that somehow, I do have some thoughts on music – coming from being a 41-year-old “hobby” musician. Here goes:

1. Every time you question why you are making music, ask yourself this: Is it because you want to make a living from it, or is it because you love it? If you want to make music seriously, music that you love and you want to make a living from it, then you should start planning everything out. After all, a serious music career is about the same thing as setting up your own company.

2. Making the music that you like is not the same, mostly, as making music that other will like to hear from you. There are no hard and fast answers to this conundrum, because the line in the sand that you must draw between being true to yourself, and accepting that you want people listening to you and buying into your music (literally, as in they will pay you) will be up to you. Sorry, there are no easy answers for this one.

3. Building a fan base is just about as difficult a process as making music you want. That's because you have to choose, in a way, what sort of fans you want to have. There's a delicate balance in between “being true to yourself” and “I will be attractive to a larger fanbase than my friends.” And yes, it takes time and effort, on the same level or near to making the music that got you into all this in the first place. If you want to remain reclusive and just known for your music, then you have to accept that you won't have that big a fanbase, or you better be sure you are a songwriting genius.

4. The question of becoming part of a musical movement, be it based on the music itself, on a generational surge, or a visual look, will always be one of how long you're willing to ride the proverbial wave. In this sense, you have to be as savvy as Madonna at her peak: being able to ride successive trends while retaining a basic identity. Conversely, you can also choose to be independent of any trend – but you have to make sure your individuality is such that your practically an icon waiting to be enshrined.

5. Forget the physical proof of music – in other words, say goodbye to CDs. In fact, the idea of a long-playing album is also suspect. What is important now is to have a regular presence in the online world, be it with a personal blog they can follow, singles that are released regtularly, or with a merchandising plan that keeps people aware of you. These days, you are selling you, aside from your music. People want to buy into you and your music.

6. Gigging is not everything. And the same holds true for writing songs in the studio, as it is for merchandising efforts as well. In other words, balance everything. Yes, this can be very difficult if you have band members to worry about. Again... time management is the key.

7. Do make sure that you have a strategy for using as many social media platforms and communication sites. E-mail lists are important, since you can use them across multiple platforms and mass-emailing services. The same goes for making sure that you maximize your content in two ways: for a general feed, and with some tweaks to maximize for the specific social media platform you will use.


Finally, and this is the #8: HAVE FUN. If you are not having fun, then what the hell are you doing spending so much time on all this in the first place???


*Photograph by Garon Honasan of Cog.

Pakitang Tao: The Civil Game

Filipinos are famous for being conscientious employees when in other countries, but when it comes to working here in the Philippines, we usually have a darker side – and it ties into a somewhat disturbing cultural trait, the pakitang tao. There are good and bad sides to this cultural habit, and it’s important to know how it can even make some social interactions smoother.


Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles.

Photos (from Flickr.com):
“slack,” by Tim Patterson

Single, by choice

When people talk about being single, there is usually a mix of loneliness, bitterness, and a bit of despair, as many people think of being single as an unnatural situation. People, after all, are meant to pair up as couples (or more, if so inclined). Living alone seems to be an untenable thing, and single people are usually suspected of having issues and problems that prevent them from being in a relationship.

However, a person can be single by choice, and be very much happy, at peace, or both (there is a difference).


Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles

Photo, c/o Flickr.com:
“Snuff Buff,” Gaer Tonnesen

De-Glorifying the Dad Bod

On March 30, 2015, Mackenzie Pearson wrote “Why Girls Love The DadBod,” and it sparked a strange flame war across the online world. On one side, you had people who hailed it as the new “average” that people should aspire to, so as not to have “excellence” issues. For others, it was the nadir of self-imagery, that people would be content with just, well, a dad bod.

I personally have the equivalent of a dad bod myself, being a former Judo varsity player in college, who then went on to have utterly no regular physical fitness regimen until late last year, when my 40-year-old body decided to surprise me with Type-2 diabetes. Since then, I've removed thirty pounds from my then-200-pound 5'3” frame, and have since been more or less on a regular exercise regimen. I've gained about five to ten pounds back, but this time as healthy muscle mass.

Even with all that, 175 pounds at my height still makes me look the better part of chubby and dad-bod-ish.

So, it makes sense that I should be happy that my sort of body type is becoming sexy, right?

Well, not really.

My issue with this whole Dad Bod thing is that I am all for it being touted as natural, but I am not all for it being used as an excuse for slacking off from basic fitness. In my case, I have to be a bit more careful with my exercise routine, as my health concerns can be a problem. But for people who have the time and resources to have a better-then-average physique, then I say, go for it!

For those who know that they only have enough time to remain reasonably healthy and have a pleasant-looking Dad Bod, all I can say is: I feel you guys.

But that does not mean we should be content with the Dad Bod. If anything, it should be a reminder that while we shouldn't shame people for being out of shape, there is always the challenge of becoming better than what you are now.

If you guys are wondering, my current physical trainer, good friend, and taskmaster is Jay Lopez, and he runs RX Strength, over at the Athlete's Lab in Liberty Center, Shaw Boulevard.

Photo:

"Hiking in Scotland 0," by Ed and Eddie (Flickr.com)
* as an aside comment, the guy in the photo I used for this article is a good example of a dad bod. Holy crap, he's HIKING IN SCOTLAND.

The upside of being ‘pasaway’

For most Pinoys, being the pasaway means that you are marked as the one to watch out for, in the negative sense. You are the troublemaker, the one whom everyone expects to do the worst thing possible. And even if you do try to help, you’ll probably do it in a way that will cause people headaches. Let’s face it, if the root word of the term for you means that you are always being reprimanded, then you know that you’re not on Santa’s “nice” list for Christmas.

However, that shouldn’t get you down. There are advantages to being the pasaway.

Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles







“Stubbornness is sometimes a place to sit and fume,” by Lars Plougmann, c/o flickr.com
 

Living in the City

Many people don’t think much about living in the city, let alone living in a a burgeoning metropolis like Metro Manila. Sure, we have the hokey “Anak ng Pasig” city-loyalty ballads, and you can think about all the North and South comparisons, but at the end of the day, most people don’t think about how the city has changed the way we lived. Sometimes, it’s for the better, and sometimes it’s for the worse. And it always is somehow interesting, if you think about it.

Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles


“Untitled,” by FEDRA Studio, c/o Flickr.com

North and South – The Metro Manila Divide

If you grew up anywhere in Metro Manila, chances are you had the idea of how the Northern Metro area was very different from the South – and we’re not just talking about geography. Somehow, there was a basic difference in how people were between the North and South of Metro Manila.


Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles


Photos by Richard Ramos

Unleash your inner Ninja

Ninjas have captured the public’s imagination, thanks to how entertainment media has portrayed them: silent, cunning, and ready with a trick or two that can make them look at the very least eerie, and at the best (or worst) magical.
So you’re probably thinking: can you be a ninja?

Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles 



“ninja.jpg-tm,” by Andrés Álvarez Iglesias

‘Pag may time': The Pinoy art of not doing something

I’m sure that most people reading this article has either been exasperated that someone is avoiding giving you time for something you want them to do, or have themselves avoided doing something for someone else, citing time issues. Among Filipinos, this habit can reach epic proportions, and may, in fact, be the root cause of many social issues today.

Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles

“Time Card,” by Matti Mattila, c/o Flickr.Com

Social climbing in the digital age

With the advent of the Internet, it’s inevitable that even there, social classes will emerge. And, unfortunately, with social classes comes the need for some people to climb the ladders, so to speak. It’s not necessarily a good or bad thing, but it can be done in bad taste – hence, the negative connotation of “social climbing.” But what constitutes social climbing in the digital age?
Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles


“Party 1950s Style,” by Nina Zed

Who or what is the Pinoy Millennial? Selfie

One should suppose that it is inevitable that each generation will have unique characteristics, all of which have been shaped by what has been happening in their times. If Generation X is known for its open-minded and philosophical bent (perhaps as a result of higher living standards and a reaction to the last decades of the Cold War), then what is Generation Y – The Millennials – all about?


Read more at the Philippine Online Chronicles