Monday, January 5, 2009


Perhaps it’s the coming of the New Year, perhaps it’s the Dido album I’m listening to, or perhaps it’s just that it’s 2 a.m. in the morning and way too quiet. But it’s like I’m taking a look at my past. And it’s all because of a guy with a big package.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I think he had a big package. I know he had one. Let’s not go into details, but because of a few emails I read from long ago, plus a couple of pictures, I wanted to see where he was now, after all this time.

It turns out, he’s in Canada, and he has a probable girlfriend. Damn, how times have changed. And that was when the nostalgia train hit me, and dragged me across the years.

Ten years ago, I was teaching in Assumption. I was in the SpiritQuest. I hadn’t had a true and serious relationship yet, and I was still very much an idealist with a bad temper. And there was no Cog.

If I had stepped back through time, I bet that my past self would have been alarmed at how tired and jaded I look now – and how fat! Back then, I would have been about 31” at the waist. Nowadays, I am a healthy 34”-36”,depending on how much I’d eaten the day before. He would have been saddened that SpiritQuest, for me, would reach its end in a few years’ time by his counting. He would also have been shocked that I would be in a relationship of four years only, and that I would be in a metal band. He would also be shocked at how my professional life turned out.

If I had stepped back in time twenty years, I would probably have molested myself, hahahah. I only figured now that I was really cute back then – but on the other hand, I was a clueless guy at the time when it came to my preferences, complete with homoerotic sci-fi fantasies (I will explain over a cup of coffee, if anyone wants to know and have a laugh). I was in my second year of high school, and I was being scarred by my class’s treatment of me. No offense, but I would probably have kicked some of my classmates’ younger version’s asses at that point. Or seduced them. Bwahahaha.

I would probably horrify my younger self, and admittedly, even if my younger self had settled down enough to actually listen to me as I am now…I bet he would get pissed. I had a lot of dreams back then, and the only dream I kept was being in the band. And finding true love.

But of course…even if I could, would I have gone back? I don’t know. I don’t want to lose the band and my love because of some chronal consequence, but on the other hand, I would have loved to give my younger self a lot of warnings.

I’m still reminiscing now (obviously), and what I feel right now is an overwhelming sense of sadness and time running out. So fuck it, it’s time to write an article, and live in the present.

I hate it when nostalgia hits.